Summoning
by AlchemistofSilver
Summary: It started when Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto were in an epic duel to the death, and it just got weirder from there...
1. Chapter 1

**Crackish - I came up with this while eating dinner. Review, please.**

**Also, does anyone know how to put a poll on a profile page?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, YuGiOh, or Disgaea.**

* * *

The duel was intense. The fighters both knew what moves the other had in their arsenals, and easily countered said moves. Naruto could not let himself lose. Sakura and he had finally tracked Sasuke down, and had had him agree to join Konoha again if only they managed to beat him.

"Rasengan!"

"Counter!"

"Counter-Counter!"

"Counter-Counter-Counter!"

"Counter-Counter-Counter-Counter!"

"Counter-Counter-Counter-Counter-Counter!"

The problem was that beating Sasuke was not as easy as it sounded. In fact, beating his fellow 15-year old genin was turning out to be almost as difficult as defeating a 100-year-old immortal, intangible Uchiha or a god who could bring himself back from the dead.

_Maybe they should have just promoted us all to Jounin rank_, Naruto thought, as he countered Sasuke's Chidori in a way that would make an Overlord proud.

Somewhere, somewhen, a child named Laharl sneezed.

Meanwhile, Sakura was making sure that Naruto did not die, in between Gamabunta-level punches.

After a long, epic battle and several monologues, both of which were not written down, the three ninja knew that it was time to finish their battle, once and for all, with an epic move that would be remembered for the rest of history.

"Relative Summoning Jutsu: Resurrection! Brother, I summon you! Attack!", Sasuke cried out, and sure enough, Itachi came out of a wooden coffin a moment later, moving faster than the Mangekyo could see.

"What? You can't do that, that's not fair!"

"Screw the rules, I have eye cancer!"

"Fine, then. Relative Summoning Jutsu: Resurrection! Father, please help me! Defend me!", Naruto responded (surprisingly calmly for a guy being attacked by Itachi), and the Fourth Hokage blocked Itachi's jab.

"Relative Summoning – Oh, wait, I don't have a super – awesome – ninja – relative. Guys, can I borrow one of your summoning scrolls?" Naruto, in the fashion of a true gentleman, threw two of his scrolls at Sakura's head. On the other hand, Sasuke was a complete *******, but he enjoyed a fair fight, and he wasn't going to be outdone by Naruto. Sasuke threw three of his scrolls at Sakura's newly – injured head.

As Itachi and the Fourth Hokage fought, Sakura looked at the scrolls that had been thrown at her, and a smile crossed her face.

"Stop everything!"

"We're in the middle of a duel, here, Sakura – we can't stop!" exclaimed Naruto (as is evidenced by the exclamation mark)!

"Yeah, Sakura!", Sasuke shouted, not to be out-exclaimed by his rival.

"This is part of our duel, you know – I'm fighting too! Summoning Jutsu! I summon Exodia. OBLITERATE!"

Needless to say, Sasuke went back to the village, and was traumatized for life.

Sakura found the soul of an ancient pharaoh and freed him, defeating the forces of darkness in the process.

**To be continued in Ninja Duel Academy... (Maybe)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi, everyone. This was originally going to be a one-shot, but then vanillasalt and my little sister put me on story alert and reviewed. Now I have to continue. _I expect reviews from both of you, though._**

**Also, as to a later bit of monologue: I just wanted to use prowess in a sentence.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, YuGiOh, or any series from which I have cameos.**

Tobi was a good boy. He was a really good boy – he didn't spend any time playing those new-fashioned "video game". No, Tobi didn't want to ruin his last eye. He spent his time playing cards.

Tobi was not only a good boy, he was a creative and smart boy as well. He invented his own game, using cards and scrolls. He had just finished putting his finishing touches on his masterpieces, two dragons and a giant, when he felt a disturbance in the FORCE.

Tobi wasn't an idiot. He knew that when there was a disturbance in the FORCE, he had to be there. So Tobi merrily skipped out of the Rain Kage's tower and teleported away.

At least, he would have, had Pain and Konan not stopped him. "Excuse me, Tobi, where are you going? Our plan to recapture the tailed beasts is to be launched today."

Tobi, being a good boy, told the truth, "There is a disturbance in the force. I must leave to investigate."

"What about the Tailed Beasts?", Konan asked in a random moment of talkativeness.

Realizing that the conversation was going nowhere, Tobi replied, "Your face is a tailed beast!", as if that explained everything (which it did).

"What?", Pain asked, confused. He obviously did not understand the meaning of Tobi's previous statement (the explanation of everything).

"Don't panic", said Tobi, before disappearing with his Mangekyo Sharingan.

Naturally, Konan did panic. She ended up running into and toppling Pain, who tripped into a bloody sausage, which fell onto the scrolls that Tobi was writing on.

There were no survivors. Witnesses said that Amekagure was razed to the ground by a giant blue humanoid figure, while a red and a green dragon killed everyone in sight. In the few seconds before they died, no one could believe that their god and his seraph had been killed so easily.

No one noticed that a gold staff was missing from the ruins.

None of the dead witnesses noticed where the monsters went, either. They definitely didn't notice eight ninja walking away, very confused.

* * *

In other news, Sakura put together a strange pyramid. She began wearing it on a chain all the time. She also began wearing a dog collar. Still, it was Konoha, so no one took notice of fashions like that.

* * *

Tobi ended up finding the disturbance in the force. He found five summoning scrolls, and was very confused. Then, he smiled. "I will use these scrolls as help in making the rest of my scrolls. With my gaming prowess, I shall rule the world!"


	3. Chapter 3

**I can't seem to check my traffic, so review, or I won't know that you were reading this.**

**I actually don't like Sakura that much, so I have no clue as to why I decided to write this.**

**Also, I have to apologize to the unsigned reviewer ^^ (), who had reviewed earlier. I had dedicated the last chapter to my epic little sister and vanillasalt, so this chapter is dedicated to ^^ ().**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or YuGiOh.**

Kagegakure was a strong village. It was a very strong village, and was very famous. Its main exports (other than ninja) were games, including the world-famous game "Duel Summons".

A minion-ninja approached his leader. "Sir, we are about to send out all the invitations. The tournament needs to start soon."

The leader did not turn around. "Did I tell you to start?"

The minion-ninja panicked, although it was impossible to tell (he was wearing sunglasses). "No, sir, but… um… er…"

"Silence, fool", the leader said, still not turning around. "Would you like me to feed you to my summons?"

"Well, depends which summon…"

"The tournament shall not begin yet. I need to find out who those original five summons belonged to. Bring the head of my security forces here. I need to talk to him."

"There is no need for that, sir." A voice resounded from the walls, and a strange-looking man stepped out of a plant. "I am here, Lord Kagekage. What is your command?"

"Forty two."

"What?", the strange-looking man asked.

"You asked me a question, and I answered you.", the leader answered, as if the strange-looking man didn't understand his command.

"Sir, I did not understand your command."

"If you did not understand my command previously, that means that you had not understood my command in the past. Does that mean you understand my orders now?"

"Lord Kagekage, I don't understand your commands", said the strange-looking man, who had thoroughly lost track of the conversation by that point.

"See, my boy – that's what happened when you spoke clear Anglo-Japanese in proper tense. As I said before, forty two."

"Ohhhh, I see", said the strange-looking man. He really did see – he had taken off his minion sunglasses.

"You may go now", said the leader, gazing toward his village in the epic way that only megalomaniacs and wise old men could gaze.

"One more thing before I leave, sir. I haven't had breakfast, and forty-two is a long journey." The strange man looked toward the minion-nin.

"You can't eat the minion-nin yet, my boy. He has to check on our prisoner."

"I did that before I came here, Lord Kagekage."

"Never mind, then – you can eat him", the Kagekage said, still gazing epicly at his village.


	4. A Magical Friendship Begins, Kind Of

**Hi, everyone. Sorry that it's been such a long time, but I've had exams... yeah... besides that wait was nothing compared to the next one. Please don't kill me.**

**On another note, this story is now T-rated, due to nudity and sexual humor. If anyone think that I am being too partial to one gender, please tell me (in a review).**

**On another, more important note, I was rereading the first chapter (I had forgotten that I had written one), and I noticed the line about eye cancer. After you read this chapter, go to your nearest hospital and donate to cancer research.**

**This chapter is dedicated to Tea1706 and vanillasalt. It isn't dedicated to my little sister and ^^, who DIDN'T REVIEW.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, YuGiOh, or this webiste. Any resemblances to persons or events, fictional or historical, are purely coincidental. I do own the Balance-Destiny salesman, or at least, I will as soon as I start his story.**

* * *

Naruto walked out of his apartment, toward Team Seven's meeting spot. In the process, he wondered why he had his own apartment. Shouldn't he have been in an orphanage or something? Oh, well. He also wondered why the author took such a long time to update.

Anyway, Naruto exited his apartment and started walking to his team's meeting place. Along the way, though, a stall on the side of the street caught his eye.

"Hello, there", said the shopkeeper, an evil-looking man in robes. "Would you like to buy something?"

"No thanks, I'm good", Naruto replied.

"Do you want a metal throwing knife?"

"You mean a kunai?"

"I actually call it a ianuk."

"No – I don't want anything! Stop!"

"How about a glowing sword?"

"No! That thing looks like it's made of light. It wouldn't be able to cut through anything."

"Nemaline nenuphar?"

"What the **** is that?"

"An exploding blue penguin?"

"I can't keep a pet penguin in the land of fire – it'll burn, dood."

"Look, kid. For just a dollar and fifty cents, I'll give you a gold pendant and a deck of scrolls. That's the best offer you'll get."

"Make it free."

"A dollar."

"Negative seventy dollars."

"Fifty cents, kid."

"The square root of negative seventy dollars."

"Deal."

"Wait, what?", Naruto asked, confused by the ease of the deal and the sudden return to noting the person who spoke.

"Give me some imaginary money", the merchant said. "You can't take back anything you said, either. I work for the ninja mob, which is much eviler and more longlasting than the regular mob."

"Okay…." Naruto said, pretending to hand the merchant some money, and taking the pendant and scrolls before walking away. 

Naruto had planned to get a deck of scrolls anyway – the summon game was becoming really popular. Even Sasuke was playing, and Sasuke hadn't played a game since he became emo, way back when. If Sasuke played, then his fangirls would play. That meant that every girl in Konoha was playing. Naruto could go up to any girl in Konoha and challenge them to a game of strip poker with the scrolls, and they couldn't say no. A real duelist never refused a challenge.

According to Jiraiya, strip poker was a great way to pick up chicks.

As Naruto flipped through the scrolls, he saw a kyuubi scroll and a hiraishin scroll. Was the writer really so cheap that he had to insert random semi-symbolism like that?

More importantly, though – Naruto had bling. It fit on his neck like a normal ring (that wasn't worn as a pendant) on a fat lady's fingers. There were several spikes around the ring, and an eye with three rings in the center. The eye creeped him out, though – it felt like it was watching him.

Anyway, Naruto walked down a random street that only had any relevance because an important plot point was about to happen there, when he heard slurping noises.

Turning around, he saw a boy come out of a dark alleyway. The boy couldn't seem to decide whether he was black or white, and was wearing a Venus flytrap. What a freak – who wore wooden clothes?

* * *

Anko sneezed. Then she looked at Yamato.

"You know, you can take off those wooden pants faster. The game still isn't over", she said, leaning back on her chair.

"Well, excuse me for starting a game of strip poker with actual clothing on. Besides, you lost so many hands that you're completely naked by now. The game should be over by now."

"No, I don't want it to be over."

"Well, you can't play if you don't have clothes on."

"How about this? After one of us is completely naked, if we lose again, the winner gets to tie the loser to this table and do whatever they want with them."

Needless to say, Anko won every hand after that.

Yamato was in critical condition in the hospital for days after.

Kakashi laughed at him.

* * *

Naruto stared at the boy. The boy stared at Naruto.

"What was that slurping sound?", Naruto asked.

"It – it was nothing. It definitely wasn't me eating some muggers", the boy replied.

Naruto narrowed his eyes. "Are you lying to me?"

"No…"

"Yes, you are. That was the food of the gods, RAMEN!", Naruto accused the boy.

"You're a RAMEN fan too?"

"Yeah, I love RAMEN!"

"Well, want to come eat with me?", the boy asked.

"Sure", Naruto said, "but I have to pay you back somehow. I know – I'll give you this pendant!"

The boy took the pendant from Naruto. "Wow, it's shiny…"

So Naruto and the plant-man went into the dark alleyway and ate ramen. Then Naruto left for his team meeting, and the plant-boy left to go to wherever civilians go when they're not onscreen. With his shiny pendant.

It was the start of a beautiful friendship.

* * *

**Longest chapter of this story so far - you all must be happy. Or annoyed that you have to read so much.**


	5. Kicking Puppies and Other Fun

**Sasuke: If I felt anything but rage, I would be sorry this chapter is so late. On the other hand, *EDITED OUT* probably won't update until he sees that people read this. *EDITED OUT* does not own Naruto. *EDITED OUT* wished he did.**

***EDITED OUT*: Oh my god, it's Sasuke. If he's here, he can only be trying to take revenge on me and take over the introduction!**

**Sasuke: What did you just say about me? And where are the quotation marks?**

***EDITED OUT*: Away, foul beast – I put up the fourth wall between you and me! Away!**

**Sasuke: Wha-aghhhhhh…**

**FIRST WALL**

**SECOND WALL**

**THIRD WALL**

**FOURTH WALL**

Sasuke woke up in his lonely apartment with a very strange feeling, like he had just ****ed off an omnipotent being somewhere. Then again, his existence had already ****ed off several, so it wasn't that much of a stretch.

Anyway, Sasuke walked out of his cold, lonely apartment and into the cold, lonely Uchiha complex. Sasuke's presence made the one nearby flower with a presence of mind strong enough to resist the Uchiha clan's emoness for about a hundred years wilt and die after finally thinking, "Okay, I've had it with these people". The vultures overhead dropped out of the sky with a speed that turned them into fireballs. Without looking less emo, Sasuke grabbed one of the now well-cooked vultures and ate it. Regular food wasn't emo enough for him.

Finally ready to go to the first team meeting that Team 7 had had in years, Sasuke walked out of the massive gates to the Uchiha complex, carrying only a summons deck and a bag for any new additions to his collection (He didn't take a kunai pouch, though. Who needed kunai? No one used those anyway. Except Tenten, and look where that got her – she was the most minor character in the series.).

As Sasuke left his gargantuan manor, he noticed a small dog. The little dog looked at him with sorrowful blue eyes that sparkled like an ocean, with the intensity of burning ice.

Sasuke kicked the puppy. He then ate the puppy,

But not really – Sasuke actually just kicked the puppy so hard that its head flew off. He then burnt the skin off its head and kept in his sack. But not really – okay, actually, really.

Sasuke had an obsession with skulls. It had all started in Oto, and it had involved three noodles. It had been one of the most traumatic moments in Sasuke's life, and must be explained in detail or –

**FILLER FILLER FILLER FILLER FILLER FILLER FILLER FILLER FILLER FILLER FILLER FILLER**

What I meant to say was –

**FIFTH WALL**

Stop censoring me –

**CENSOR CENSOR CENSOR CENSOR CENSOR CENSOR**

Fine, whatever –

**FINE FINE FINE FINE FINE FINE FINE FINE FINE FINE FINE FINE**

Anyway, Sasuke proceeded with Эмо прогулки (that's an emo version of a stroll) towards his not-as-emo's team's not-as-emo meeting.

Even though Naruto and Sakura had taken a level in emo, they couldn't be as emo as him – if they were, he cut his wrists, and that would show them.

**SIXTH WA –**

**Oh, no you don't, you stupid ** piece of ***********************************.**

Anyway, Sasuke noticed Sakura doing push-ups. He then noticed Naruto doing push-ups as well, and turned towards the latter, because said ninja was more important.

Sakura was upset, but this narrator refuses to recall what she said, because she's a minor character.

Anyway, what's more important is that Sasuke was talking to Naruto. Their conversation went something like this:

**Sasuke:** What are you doing?

**Narrator:** Sasuke asked.

**Naruto:** We are training our bodies and minds to become the perfect killing machines.

**Narrator:** Naruto said in a monotone.

**Narrator:** They both laughed.

**Sasuke:** Seriously, what are you doing?

**Naruto:** We're just waiting for Kakashi-sensei. He said he had some important information for us.

**Sasuke:** We're going to be in the next jounin exams?

**Naruto:** Maybe, I don't kn-

**POOF**

**STOP THE INTERRUPT –**

"Hello, my preciousssss. ", Kakashi said. "I'm afraid I have a bit of bad news. We're going to have a new teammate, because – "

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei, where' s Sai?", Naruto asked.

"Who?", Kakashi looked very confused.

**RETCONNED**

"I don't know", Naruto said. "I just wanted some lines. After al –"

"Hey, what about me?", Sakura asked. "I haven't said anything for a few chapters, and I'm the main –"

"Shut up, Sakura, no one cares about you!", someone yelled from far off in the distance.

"Anyway", Kakashi said, "Sasuke has to leave the village."

"What?", the three ninja screamed.

Except for Sasuke, because emo people don't scream, they cry. So Sasuke cried out, as Naruto and Sakura screamed.

"Sasuke, by killing the Otokage, you became the new Otokage", Kakashi explained.

"How does that even work, anyway?" Naruto asked. "I mean, why would being a strong ninja help you be a good ruler?"

"Naruto, shut up. This is Sasuke's chapter", Kakashi said. "You can have one next."

The following conversation went as follows:

**Sasuke**: But I can't leave the village… what about gaining enough power to kill my older brother?

**Kakashi**: Sasuke, your older brother tried to protect you, remember?

**Sasuke**: Oh, yeah.

**Narrator**: Sasuke drooped.

**Sasuke**: But I have to kill Danzo!

**Naruto**: Sasuke, one of the conditions of Sakura Deus Ex Machinaing you –

**Sakura**: Hey! That was not a Deus Ex Machina!

**Naruto**: - was that you would swear off vengeance. And drugs. Because drugs are bad for you.

**Sasuke**: But… then… I… I have nothing to live for. And my backup plan is gone too… What's left for me?

**Kakashi**: Sasuke

**Narrator**: Kakashi said seriously

**Kakashi**: That's where the genre shift comes in. You have to defeat your inner emoness… in a scroll game.

The last thing Sasuke saw before the chapter ended wa-.

I'd normally note everyone who reviewed, and everyone who favorited or story alerted, but I lost the password to my email.

I'm sorry I haven't updated for so long, but I've been on TV Tropes for the last few months. Why did you unleash this horror on me, Intenet, why?

Oh, and the next updates are probably going to take longer.


	6. Epiphanies and Memories

**Blue-Eyes, I choose you!**

**Blue-Eyes, use Disclaimer!**

**Blue-Eyes used disclaimer!**

**It's super effective!**

**I don't own YuGiOh!**

**A critical hit!**

**I do not own Naruto!**

**

* * *

**

"Okay, you can go, guys", Kakashi said. "Go do whatever you want. Sasuke's going to take a while."

Naruto walked off, to do whatever main characters do when they're not on screen.

Sakura stood there.

"Sakura, why are you standing there?", Kakashi asked.

"I'm not a main character. I don't have a life", Sakura said.

"Why don't you go see your best friend, Ino?"

"I have friends? That's awesome!" Sakura exclaimed. "See you later, Kakashi-sensei!"

* * *

Naruto walked. And walked. And walked.

He walked towards the Hokage Monument, the largest (and only) mountain in Konoha. He would have walked through rain, snow, sleet, and hail, droughts and drizzles, ninja and pirates, ramen and screaming fans to get to the monument.

Okay, so maybe not the last two, but he still loved the monument. (1)

Naruto thought back to that day, remembering the ANBUE, the villager, the toilet paper, and the string.

Naruto was a rather rude little brat. Naturally, he did what any brat hated by his village would do, and decided to prank someone.

He placed a piece of toilet paper on the villager's shoe (7).

The villager turned around, red in the face, with a jug of beer in his hand (2). "Well, look what we have here."

"No, I'm not a fox demon! Please, don't kill me!", Naruto cried, trying to look as cute and unkillable as possible (3). He had, naturally, chosen to prank the toughest person he could have found. Still, he could get out of this.

"Oh my gosh, it's a kitty! Hi, kitty!"

Naruto fled. He could deal with abuse, but stupid drunks were a different story altogether. He ran faster than the wind, reaching the Hokage monument with the drunk following him. Seeing no choice, he decided to use the ultimate technique that he had found dropped by a suspicious-looking man (4). It was his only hope (5).

Naruto banged his head on the monument's rock. Repeatedly. The scroll had said it would help him, so he ke- (6).

Naruto woke up on the top of the Hokage Mountain, staring upwards peacefully, with a string around his arm.

As for the ANBU, he was invisible. Because he was a ninja (10).

* * *

As I was saying before, I'm easily distracted by backstories. It all began for me back when (42) – no, No, NO! I won't be distracted.

Anyway, Naruto lay down at the Hokage Monument and looked up. Then he noticed something.

"Oh. My. God." Naruto thought. "My name isn't at the top of the page anymore. "I'm not the main character anymore."

The scream could be heard from light-years away (9).

* * *

Naruto knew he only had once chance to become a main character again. He had to be – AN ANTIHERO!

That was why he was walking to a clothing store. Opening the door in slow motion, he stepped in and noticed a familiar face.

"Hey, Ino, what are you doing here?" Naruto asked, rather surprised to see the blonde.

"Oh, hi, Naruto. I decided to start diversify my investments and jobs. Flowers, clothes, ninja missions, scroll games, prostitution (11), and so on. Anyway, what did you want? Capes, cloaks, gloves, pants?"

"I need a badass cape", Naruto said.

"Okay, hold on", Ino said. "I'll get you a full badass outfit."

3 seconds later…

Naruto looked at his cape. "How did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"You changed my clothes without me noticing."

"That's a trade secret", Ino winked.

"Okay, thanks. I've got to go train my brooding skill now (12)."

* * *

(1) For that matter, he probably wouldn't go through the others, either.

(a) He definitely wouldn't go through the pirates.

(i) Naruto was always scared of pirates, for some reason.

(ii) He was also scared of octopi, but that was a different story entirely.

(b) It didn't rain, snow, sleet, or hail, in Konoha.

(2) At least he wasn't driving.

(3) Considering that he was one year old, this wasn't hard to achieve.

(a) This raised the question of how he could walk.

(b) This also raised the question of how he could talk.

(c) Writers have no sense of time.

(4) Frankly, I didn't think he looked that suspicious.

(a) There's nothing suspicious about a man covered in blood carrying around a knife.

(b) If he had a goatee, on the other hand…

(5) He could have asked me for help, but no

(a) o

(b) o

(c) This footnote would be funnier, but the author can't seem to format it. I apologize for his stupidity.

(6) I apologize about this blackout. I can only see what the POV character sees.

(7) Do not try this at home, kids! Or adults!

(42) I read "A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Fictional Galaxy". It inspired me to be a character, instead of just a narrator.

(9) Several Hooloovoos complained about the noise pollution. Cotton balls were recommended to them. Ears were also recommended to them.

(10) The only invisible ninja in the series.

(11) She's still working on this one. It's only 15 ryo a minute, though.

(12) His current brooding level is 31, just lower than his runecrafting level.

(13) I had already written this in school when I posted the previous chapter; I just hadn't typed it.

(14) I don't want to end on 13.

(15) That was Inner Naruto.

* * *

**I was going to write something witty by Inner Naruto here , but this took me an hour to type (so you should either review or spend an equal amount of time rereading) (13) . Also, I have the next chapter planned, but I'm too tired to type it right now(14). Next chapter... Sakura's dilemna, Ino's mirror, and strange noises from behind the counter. Believe it(15)!**

**Also, consider this a reverse birthday present.**

**Oh, and I forgot how to check who favorited this, so review. Special mentions go to Suna no Ken (who, I hope, is not Gaara in disguise), vanillasalt (is that an actual food, by the way?), and LovelySpiral (who looks nothing like a spiral).**


	7. Of Afros and Penguins

Sakura was depressed. She was extremely depressed. She was so depressed that she could almost out-emo an Uchiha (but not Sasuke, because Sasuke had won the Emo Championship three years in a row2).

She was depressed because this author was even meaner than Kishimoto. Sure, Kishimoto would never let her defeat Sasuke, but he wouldn't constantly abuse her verbally. Wait, was this author a basher? Was she going to die so that Sasuke could get a perfect female OC with a past as tragic as his? Or worse, was he going to get together with Naruto and leave her screaming about how life wasn't fair?

Sakura did what she always did when she panicked. She walked into the nearest building (Ino's shop), walked up to a mirror, and cut her hair.

Or, at least, she attempted to – she missed and ended up killing herself.

No, she didn't really kill herself – she just had a bit of blood dripping out of a cut in her neck. She tried again, and this time she succeeded.

She turned to Ino, who was behind the counter. Or at least, she thought Ino was behind the counter, because she could hear really loud moaning coming from behind said counter.

"Ino, would you mind cleaning this hair up? Sorry for not cutting it in my house, but I had to prove to myself that I was serious."

Ino's somewhat sticky-looking, wet head popped up from behind the counter. "Hold on", she moaned. "I'm with a customer. I'll get to it in an hour or two."

Sakura then walked out of the store, because she had finished cutting her hair.

"Okay, I cut my hair. So now what?", Sakura wondered.

"Now, you need to follow the heart of the cards!"

Startled, Sakura turned around. "Who said that?", she wondered. She looked at the floor, and noticed the clump of pink, bloody hair behind her.

"That's odd. Didn't I cut you off?", Sakura wondered.

"Yes, yes, you did", the hair, now clumped together in an afro, sa -.

"! It talked. How did it talk?", Sakura wond -.

"Yes, yes, I know you wonder a lot. Anyway, I am the Magical Talking Afro, here to let you know that you should look for penguins?"

"Penguins?", Sakura wondered.

"Don't ask me – I'm just a messenger for the author, **who doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh or Naruto,** while he gets his subconscious to agree to letting him be a character."

"What?", Sakura wondered.

"That reminds me – **we need to be flamed. Yes, trolls, we're talking to you. We need flames for a special chapter coming up. No, seriously, flame us**."

"Are these the author's notes?1", Sakura wondered, poking the boldness of the letters.

"Also, **the author would like to apologize if any tropers were offended by a previous author's note that he's not quite sure that he actually put in previous chapters. However, the site still ruins your life, so it's recommended that you spend the time you'd spend on that site reviewing this story instead.**"

"What do I have to do make the plot move forward? This is boring", Sakura wondered.

"Go ask your grandfather for a penguin deck", the Magical Talking Afro NOT™ said.

"Oh, okay." Sakura skipped away merrily, happy to have found a purpose in life, and with no clue as to how an afro had just managed to talk to her.

As for the MTA, well, I'm not sure where it went. I'm just the narrator, not the author.

* * *

Sakura arrived at her grandfather's store a few hours later, and walked in like a ninja normally walks in. That is, she jumped through the window. Unfortunately for her, she tripped, and nearly had her head chopped off by her grandfather's sword.

"Grandpa! Watch where you're waving that thing!"

"Sorry, brat", Laharl, the young-looking3 Overlord of All Evil4 said. He quickly put away his Yoshitsuna. "You shouldn't trip when walking in like a ninja, though. That defies the whole point of being a ninja. Muhahahahahahahaha!"

"Whatever, grandpa. An afro just told me to ask you for penguins."

"I see. Your parents never told you what happened to your grandmother, did they?"

"They told me enough! They told me that a summon killed her!"

"No, Sakura – I am your grandmother!"

"What? No, this can't be true. I don't believe you. That doesn't even make sense."

"Wait, I didn't mean to say that. What I meant to say was that she got killed by a summon that she had had for a long, long, long, long time5."

"What happened?"

"She threw the summon at the wall, it rebounded, and then it exploded."

"Ouch."

"Anyway, here they are", Laharl said, laying a stack of scrolls on the counter.

"What are those?"

"Your mother's old summons. I have a couple of mine in here too."

"Where did you get all of these?", Sakura wondered, staring at the scrolls in fascination.

"Well, I used to be able to make these. I found a couple in some place called 'E-git'6, though."

"Okay, thanks, grandpa", Sakura said as she ran out the door, off to wherever Sakuras go in their free time.

"The Magical Talking Afro NOT™, huh? Man, I miss that guy", Laharl reminisced.

* * *

1) Yes, they are.

2) This is saying something, since Pain didn't even get into the competitions. That might have had something to do with the fact that he was a criminal, though.

3) This is part of his title.

4) He hacked the game for this title.

5) Almost 1500 years.

6) **I don't remember what this joke was, only that I wrote it down. If you figure it out, tell me.**

**

* * *

**

**I need deck ideas! Each deck has to be from another series, and must correlate with the character's personality.**

**For example:**

**Sakura got a Disgaea deck.**

**Sasuke got a mythology deck.**

**Shikamaru got a Death Note deck, exactly as planned.**

**Hinata needs a deck from a series with fate as a central theme.**

**Ino needs a deck from a series with lots of fanservice.**

**Also, I would mention Gaara, salt, and my little sister, but I don't think I'm allowed to respond to reviews in the story itself.**

**Also, the inners are waiting for a certain special chapter.**

**Next times:**

**Sasuke's fanservice-packed duel, and Hinata's meeting. Believe it!**


	8. Interrupted Less Than 4 Wall Broadcast

**I appear to have lost the script… Guess I have to improv from what I remember. And there probably won't be any footnotes, either1.**

Sasuke opened his eyes. Because he was emo. He then closed them. Because he was emo. He then opened them again. "Where am I?", he wondered. Because he was emo. "I… don't think I'm in Kansas anymore. Wherever that is."

He sat up, and looked around, but there was no one nearby. No one. Not even Near. In fact, if there was an equation describing the population of Konoha3 nearest to him, it would be y = -1.

There were still some noises in the distance, though, but only in one direction.

The desertedness pulled on Sasuke, on the very fabric of his being."Where am I?", he asked, before realizing where he was. It was so obvious, it was right in front of him.

"I'm in a place", Sasuke said.

Then, he decided to be more specific. "I'm in Konoha. The narrator said I was."

I did?

"Yes, you did. Right at the third footnote."

Hmm, you appear to be right. That was a brilliant idea, you know. Using the narration to find out where you are, that is4.

"I'm in the wrong fanfic?"

No, no you're not. What could make you think that?

"You just said I am. You exclaimed it pretty loudly, you know. I could hear it from all the way up here."5

"Yes, yes I can."6

Well, I'm still not telling you where you are.

"No need. I've already figured it out. There's noise in that direction, which means that there's probably some semblance of life over there. There's only one type of fic in which there's only life-wannabes in one place."

And what's that?

"The high school fic!", exclaimed Sasuke, before running off in a poof of smoke.

Well, there's also the lemons…

Sasuke's face fell. However, since he had run off into the distance, he had already found the building he was looking for – Konoha High. Clutching a kunai to defend himself in his trembling hand7, he walked slowly towards the door, hoping against all hope that this new fic wasn't what the narrator said it was…

And he opened the door.

What he saw nearly made him run out the door8/9.

The corridor in front of him was dark, the perfect kind of place to build suspense, or whatever its replacement was, in a lemon fic. Sasuke made sure to keep a firm hold on his kunai, and then walked in.

"Don't show fear… Don't show fear…"

We interrupt this fic for a brief announcement by the author.

**Thank you for the introduction, Daydream/ Narrator. I apologize for this, but I've repeatedly lost and rewritten this chapter, and I'm not rewriting this again, so **********.**

Wait, so what am I supposed to do?

**Don't worry, I'll distract you. We'll just do what we normally do in my daydreams.**

In this fanfi- umph?

**Anyway, I'll just summarize this chapter for all of you. Remember that puppy that Sasuke kicked in chapter whenever-his-pov-was? Yeah, it came back as a skeleton to lead him to Inner Sasuke. The place he was in was actually his mind, which was represented by the life he wanted.**

Ohhhhhhhhh...

**However, it was a trap. Inner Sasuke was actually the personification of Sasuke's despair, and tried to trick Sasuke into opening the double doors to his heart, so that he could make Sasuke despair forever.**

More...

**A red orb glowed.**

Morrrreeeeee...

**However, when Sasuke opened the door to his heart and Despair!Sasuke took over, Sasuke found a power that the Dark Ninja knew not.**

**He found…**

Mph...

**The power of…**

Mphhhhh...

**Trading scrolls!**

Mphhhhhhhhhh...

**And so Sasuke accepted his fate, and accepted the position of Otokage, and became a protagonist.**

Ohhh...

**You're not satisfied?**

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Yeeees, yeeeesss, IIIII aaaaam.

**Not you. YOU.**

Ohhhh...

**Well, fine, then, enjoy the following parody of this story while I Daydream.**

**Summoning Abridged (A Parody of Something)**

**On a battlefield of Worthy Opponents…**

**Sasuke attacked. "Disgaea reference!"**

**Naruto attacked. "Disgaea-Disgaea reference!"**

**Sasuke attacked. "Disgaea-Disgaea-Disgaea reference!"**

**Naruto attacked. "Disgaea-Disgaea-Disgaea-Disgaea reference!"**

Hhhhhhhhhhhh...

**Sasuke summoned Itachi, using a jutsu that was never mentioned again.**

Hhhhhhhhhhhh...

**"Itachi", Sasuke commanded, "Naruto's father must die by the hand of an Uchiha, again!"**

**Naruto, who had just finished summoning his father from an eternal war in the Shinigami's stomach for the sole purpose of having him fight, said something dramatic too. Then, Itachi and the the Yondaime fought.**

Hhhhhhhhhh...

**Itachi was somehow strong enough to be a match for the Yondaime Hokage, the most powerful Hokage ever, for the three episodes that Sakura must have been having flashbacks during. Eventually, Sakura said something that nobody cares about, and Sasuke and Naruto threw scrolls made of Spiral Energy1 at her.**

**Sakura said some ham****2****, and then she summoned Exodia the Forbidden Gunman. For some reason, after it beat Sasuke, he acted in a very out-of-character way and did not swear vengeance on it, nor did he leave the village so that he could improve, eventually allying with the man partially responsible for the death of his family. Instead, he came back to the village, and they all lived happily ever – until the readers decided to be assholes and convince the author to write more chapters.**

Revieowwww…. Pleaaassseee…

**(1) Just kidding2.**

**(2) No I'm not.**

(3) This is a sentence3.

(4) Stupid ninja… At least he'll never guess he's wandered into a different fanfic!

(5) Can you hear this?

(6) Darnit!

(7) Sasuke would claim this was because of blood loss.

(8) Although he would claim he walking. Or maybe he was emolling.

(9) This wouldn't have made sense anyway. He hadn't even walked in the door yet.

**(1) They got the spiral energy from a machine god.**

**(2) She said this – "You foolish bastards! When they talk about the badass ninja of the Hidden Leaf who doesn't do anything, they talk about me, the paragon of ninjaness, the great and mighty Sakura!" Nobody really paid attention, though, because she was Sakura, she didn't have sunglasses, she was Sakura, she got the quote wrong, she was Sakura, there was a flashback during the battle, she was Sakura, she wasn't topless, and she was Sakura.**


	9. Sights and Seeing

Ohhhhhh…

What? You want to me to narrate?

She is? Oh, okay! Well, then…

Hinata bowed down before the object, a gluzbernefnbed1, in front of her. She had changed a lot during the past few chapters. Actually, she hadn't, but she liked to believe she had. After all, would she be able to take this responsibility, even for the sake of her clan, when she was a canon character?

"Are you ready, Hinata?" Neji asked from behind her. He didn't sound like he wanted to do it either, but they both knew it wouldn't hurt. At least, it probably wouldn't.

"I'm… I'm ready, Neji", Hinata said. She had to show confidence in herself and him, otherwise Neji would never do this. She had to be brave, like the person she most admired… like Naruto.

Neji nodded – she could see him behind her, with her Byakugan – and his fingers touched her spine.

And so Hinata fainted, in order to **See**.

a

The Byakugan was all-seeing, it was true, but there were some things that it could not see, far beyond the edges of reality. On the other hand, some of these things could make themselves visible when they wished to be seen.

Thus, one of the **beings outside** had made an alliance with the Hyuuga, thousands of chapters ago. It had decided to allow the Leader of the Hyuuga to see **it**, as long as there was only one Leader at any time. That was why the Main Branch and Side Branch were separated – if the Hyuuga did not unanimously choose one leader at any given time, the **being **would leave, and take its gifts with it. The **being** did not just allow them to see it – it allowed them knowledge of worlds that controlled theirs, of futures, and of pasts, and of patterns.

Hinata's father had died half a chapter ago, which meant that she would be the Leader. She had to, for the good of the Hyuuga, the village and the world.

Hinata walked up glowing staircases in a narrow, otherwise dark corridor. She did not know how long she had walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, but it had to have at least been three lines.

Eventually, the young Hyuuga came to a huge pair of double doors, made up of some alien substance. Upon these doors were imprinted three lines in the shape of a triangle. At the top corner of the triangle, a piece of cardboard hung. It read, "Under Construction." At the left corner, another, smaller triangle lay inside a circle. Hinata found her gaze drawn to the last corner of the triangle, which she could not focus upon but knew, instinctively, that it was glowing. Finally, she looked at the middle of the triangle, and she saw a sentence.

**"All men wish to be gods, and all men can be such."**

She looked at the sentence for a few moments. What did it mean?

As she pondered, the small triangle in the left corner of the larger one began glowing, and the doors opened.

A woman stepped out. This woman was not just any woman, though. She had an aura of serenity that somehow did not clash with her fierceness, or with her noble, visible power. Moreover, she exuded a type of beauty unlike any other, a sensuality that just made Hinata want to give in to her, to allow herself to be caressed by those soft, beautiful fingers, to be-

**Don't mind-rape my characters!**

But...

**No! Daydream, since I know you would like to be whipped, I will not tell you your punishment now, but you will stop. Not only are you mind-raping her, but you are Sueifying yourself.**

The woman stopped, and Hinata stopped feeling those emotions, and seeing those visions.

**I shall narrate from here.**

**I step into the room, a grand, resounding, trumpeting sound announcing me. I am, after all the most powerful being here, and so I walk to Hinata, take her chin, and lift her head to look into my amused eyes.**

**Hinata is fearful of me, and of my power, which dwarfs that of Daydream. She feels resentful toward Darydream, but she cannot attack her without me evaporating her with lightning on the spot, and so she does nothing.**

**And so I drag Hinata by her chin into the room, beyond the double doors.**

**a**

**"So, young Hyuuga, are you enjoying your Sight?" I ask.**

**"Greatly", Hinata said, as a matter of politiness. In reality, she was unnerved by many things - by the space of this room, by the fact that she couldn't focus on the author's face. Most importantly, she was curious, but too afraid to ask about the triangle that had been on the door, and that Daydream had pulled off and placed on the floor.**

**"The triangle represents three... "Aspects", I guess, for a lack of a better word. I am one of them, the triangle to the left. You will meet one more before your end."**

**"Um..." Hinata had to do her first duty to the Hyuuga, by**

**"Yes, your ancestors are safe. Your father, who I know you are particularly concerned about, has been reunited with his wife and his other two lovers. They are keeping very busy at the moment. Would you like to say hi to him?"**

**Hinata blushed a most amusing shade of red. "No, that's okay."**

**"Are you sure? You don't want to see your mom and your dad and the other two f-"**

**She was now a shade of red quite a bit darker than the tea Daydream was serving us. "No, no, that's quite alright!"**

**"Very well, then. Poorly conceived comedy aside (2), I know you have a few questions for me. For example, you are wondering who I am, are you not?"**

**"Well, no, actually, I was - "**

**"I am probably the most powerful being you will ever meet. Everything that exists in relation to you, in fact, was created by me, and I control all of it."**

**"Actually, I just -"**

**"You are wondering whether I created you completely from scratch, are you not? I am afraid that the answer is no. I did not create your canon."**

**"I just wanted te-"**

**"Your canon self, and the "General Template" for you, was created by a man named Masahashi Kishimoto, whose name I probably spelt wrong. You yourself, however, will probably never meet him, because this particular version of you, the version that you are conscious of, the you that you call you, was created and is controlled by me."**

**"I just wanted more tea..."**

**"Despite this, I make no profit from your existence. Why, then, would I create you?"**

**Sip. "Because you were bored of not having someone asking you for more tea?"**

**"No, my dear Hinata. I created you for THE QUEST, that journey which every man undertakes, whether knowingly or not."**

**"The quest for more tea?"**

**"THE QUEST is CAPITALIZED, Hinata."**

**"THE QUEST for more tea?"**

**"No, no, not at all. You shall learn someday, sometime. Until then, however, I need to continue my QUEST. Thus, I will leave you three parts of me within your Sight while I adventure. These three parts... I hope you will be able to talk to them as much as you were to me."**

**"I didn't get to talk at all..."**

**"My first part, my ID, shall be italicized."**

_**A man appeared on one point of the triangle that lay in the corner of the larger triangle. He looked rather average, except that he was a flying robot ninja monkey dual-wielding concrete and two swords and a rifle and... Daydream went over to him, and they immediately started touching, and caressing, and enjoying each other...**_

**"My second part, my Superego, shall be underlined."**

**And so a man with wings soared down to a corner of the smaller triangle, and hovered there. He looked at Daydream and ID on the floor, with their whips and chains, and he scoffed, and turned his back and his nose to them, ignoring everything around him.**

**"My third part, my Ego, shall be centered."**

**All of a sudden, an awesome power filled the room. In the third corner of the smaller triangle, a man-shaped rock formation rose, and then it became a man, and its presence took away the breath of everyone except the author, despite it doing nothing but staring at a chessboard that had appeared in front of it.**

**"And so I bid you farewell for now." And I disappeared from Hinata's Sight.**

**"I shall let you know, kunoichi, that there shall be a time skip of two years within two chapters. Within those two years, you will not move up in rank. However, I recommend", and here Ego said "recommend" as if it was a command, "that you, and everyone you care about, learns how to use trading scrolls. They shall be your shield and your sword, and you shall depend upon them after the timeskip ends. Insert witty comment here."**

**a**

1) Also known as a hrdendergen in Lightning Country.

**(2) Lies!**


End file.
